


Bunny Mashups

by scribblebunny



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-25 13:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/953523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribblebunny/pseuds/scribblebunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Various drabbles and requests. Mostly unbeta'd. Rating may go up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. BroJohn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Bro is the jailbait and John is making his way through college and has no idea how to handle this kid who’s constantly hitting on him.

"Hey, you’re Dave’s lil’ bro, right?"

The kid in question was sitting right in front of the TV in the apartment John shared with his best friend. He was surrounded by bits of cloth and other sewing supplies and appeared to be hand stitching some sort of weird doll with a long nose. Dave had told John that his little brother (who’s name he can’t seem to remember) would be coming to their place after school from now on until his mom got off work. When asked why, because the kid was at least 15 and old enough to chill by himself for a few hours, Dave only answered with an enigmatic  _He’s not allowed to be alone in the house anymore._

Bro (for lack of a better name) didn’t answer John and instead blankly stared at him from behind some really cheap looking novelty shades. John was pretty accustomed to Strider staring, but there was something about how the kid went completely still that was completely unnerving.

_He’s fucking weird._

_You’re fucking weird._

_I am unique and charming. Bro’s weird. Straight out, fucked up, so far off the hook, the hook is starting to wonder if he’ll ever write like he promised. But he’s not going to write, John. He wants nothing to do with that fucking hook._

He laughed nervously and tried again. “Whatcha workin’ on?”

"A smuppet."

Dear gog, he spoke. “What’s a smuppet?’

The teen’s mouth quirked into not quite a smirk. “I could make you one. You could cuddle it. Sleep with it. Give it a squeeze and think of me.” 

"Uh…" John was completely baffled. Was this kid hitting on him?


	2. BroJohn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an awkward first brojohn date

John can admit he’s had a lot of bad ideas in his lifetime. Like the time he thought he could make a really awesome slide out of a steep hill and a piece of fiberglass. Or when he thought is would be funny to put Nair in the lacrosse team’s bodywash. And there was that time he decided the roof of his school’s auditorium was the perfect place to lose his virginity to Angie Black on prom night. And somehow, in his two solid decades of stupid, asking out Dave’s scary older brother seemed like his worst idea yet.

There was the age difference for one. The fact that he’s never dated another guy, for another. Oh and lets not forget that he did it behind his best friend’s back because Dave would totally freak out, murder him, then pout over his flayed corpse. So even though he really liked Bro, John suddenly found himself rethinking this whole date thing. Granted, they were already at the diner that supposedly had the “best fucking bacon burger ever” and had already ordered their food. But now it was time to make small talk and all John could think about was Dave chasing after him with one of his crappy knock-off swords screaming “TRAITOR!”

"Egbert." Bro’s low, disinterested voice broke John out of his reverie. "If you don’t quit fidgeting I’m going to squeal like a little girl and start jumping up and down in acceptance to your beautiful, heartfelt proposal. I will cause the biggest scene this cheesy, vintage themed establishment has ever seen. It will be so huge, you will have no choice to make me the most beautiful bride Houston has ever seen. And you will carry me across the threshold of this diner, while our fellow patron applaud our union."

John froze under Bro’s passive, black tinted gaze before finally cracking up into easy laughter. “Yeah and it will turn out that one of the bikers that came in after us is an ordained minister. He’ll insist on marrying us right here, right now.”

Not missing a step, Bro flatly added “Angels will weep for how beautiful it is.” John laughed again. Nah. This was a great idea.


	3. DirkRoxy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dirk insists on taking roxy on nice dates and she won’t let him b/c “don’t spend money stop i am not worth it!! ):” MAKE IT CUTE.

"Okay, you can open your eyes now."

Roxy wasn’t sure what she was expecting when Dirk told her he was sendificating her birthday gift to her, but is certainly wasn’t this. When she opened her eyes she was greeted with a small picnic for one spread out on her bedroom floor. It wasn’t anything too extravagant, just a plate of fish with a seaweed salad with a messily frosted cupcake and a bottle of orange soda on the side. He had also sent over a champagne glass, a single lit candle and some dried ocean flora.

Confused, she turned back to her video chat to see Dirk sitting on his floor with a similar spread. He also appeared to be wearing and ill-fitting black suit with a red shirt. One of his brother’s. “What’s this?”

He hunched a bit and rubbed the back of his neck, one of his few tells for nervousness. “Well you said you always wanted to have a romantic dinner…” 

The bottom dropped out of her stomach. It was true. Roxy had admitted to Dirk that one thing she wished she could experience from the old world was a romantic dinner at a really fancy restaurant. She’d wear an elegant cocktail dress and afterwards her and her date would dance until the sun came up. But she didn’t expect this. She didn’t even think he was listening to yet another of her drunken rambles, much less…

Her eyes began to water. “You didn’t have too-“

He cut her off. “I wanted to.”

"But it was stupid. Just a silly fantasy."

"You deserve it." He began to fidget again. "I know it’s not a fancy restaurant, and the fish probably doesn’t taste very good, but-" He scrubbed his face with his hands. "Sorry, it was a dumb idea. I’ve been working on another rifle attachment that I could finish in a couple days-"

"NO!" She surprised herself with the outburst. Then added softly. "Don’t be stupid, this is perfect." She got an idea. "Give me a second." 

She got up and ran into her mom’s old room. She use to go in there a lot when she was younger to play dress up. She stopped once she really understood where the pretty dresses came from and who they belonged to. She picked out a black satin cocktail dress with straps that crossed in the back. She put it on quickly and added a belt so it would fit a little better.

Once she was satisfied, she ran back to her room to her waiting date. “I was underdressed!” She couldn’t hold back how giddy she felt. Now it was a fancy date.

Dirk stared at her, passive gaze behind dark glasses, and gave one of his rare small smiles. “You look great. Happy birthday, Rolal.”


	4. Dave & Bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: Bro trying to give like five year old Dave a bath and he's just not in wanting any part of it
> 
> Made him younger because babies. <3

Bro was really starting to reconsider spaghetti night. Not that he had anything against spaghetti, it was cheap, easy to make and not even he could screw it up. What he didn’t like was how Dave managed to get it  _everywhere._  All over the floor, in his hair, on the ceiling, he once found some rogue pasta stuffed in the couch cushions. This kid defied physics on a daily basis. The laws of the universe simply did not apply to him and he made it a point to remind Bro about this fact every week when he transported his dinner to places not in the immediate vicinity of his high chair. He didn’t even bother putting Dave in a shirt anymore before meals. It was just easier.

What wasn’t easy was the clean up. Not the furniture. The kid. The furniture didn’t throw a fit when he tried to take a wash cloth to it. Dave on the other hand…

This could only work if he prepared the water before dumping Dave into the kitchen sink (their bathroom only has a shower stall). Unfortunately this also tips the kid off that yes, bath time was happening now you better go hide. Which he did. Every time.

It’s weird. Most of the time Dave never shut up. He only had one volume and that was LOUD. So how the hell did he always manage to stay completely quiet whenever Bro filled up the sink? Fortunately, he still hasn’t caught on that Bro can scale the walls efficiently enough to hide himself until Dave thinks it’s safe to venture out of whatever hidey hole he’s found. And to think his social worker told him that ninja training wouldn’t prepare him for adulthood.

When he does finally catch Dave, the toddler starts his line of defenses. First is to squirm and yell “No! No bath!” as loud as he can. Next is to work up the crocodile tears. When that doesn’t work he dead weights and continues to miserably sob “Noooooooooo….” and kick his legs. His neighbors probably think he abuses him. If this crap keeps up until he’s old enough to have a strife specibus he might start.

When Bro finally gets Dave into the sink, he pouts, pink cheeked, dejected and completely unwilling to help him clean sauce and noodles off his hands, chest and face. He begins to calm, and even starts splashing and playing in the water, which makes cleaning harder, but at least he stopped crying.

The phone rings. Correction. His work phone rings which means crap, someone wants to book him and Bro’s too cheap to get and answering machine so he has no choice but to leave Dave in the sink while he answers the call. He should be alright. He’s old enough to hold himself up and he’s more interested in the little horse toy Bro keeps next to the sink for baths.

Bro runs for the phone, tells the guy he’s a busy at the moment and gets his number to call him later. He gets back to the kitchen just in time see a flash of naked baby butt as it rounds the corner into the living room.


	5. Dave & Bro & Cal Makes Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabble based on this wonderful piece of art: http://scribblebunny.tumblr.com/post/49035024825/remmidemmi-your-name-is-dave-and-your-bro-told

Bro figured it was just a thing all kids went through. Hell, Lil Cal was  _Bro’s_ imaginary friend, so when he first caught Dave talking to the puppet he actually felt closer to his little man than ever before. But then things started getting…weird.

It started one morning when Bro was woken up by a crying Dave running into his room and jumping on him. The kid always liked to get his little ambushes in, but he  _knew_  not to bother Bro before 9 a.m. after he worked the night before unless it was an emergency. The sight of his kid in tears was enough to pull Bro completely out of sleep, but it took a full minute to calm Dave down enough to learn what was wrong.

Somehow he managed to choke out an answer between his sobbing. “Mrs. Higgley’s cat was out on the fire escape and Cal told me to hurt her, but I didn’t want to! And he yelled at me and said he was going to kill me if I didn’t, but I didn’t want to I didn’t want to and he’s going to kill me Bro!”

Bro hugged Dave and began to rock him. “Whoa, whoa, hey. Calm down, it’s okay. We talked about nightmares before, remember?”

"It wasn’t a nightmare! It happened!"

Bro sighed. Not this again. Dave didn’t spook easy, but he had a really active imagination. “Dave, you remember your dreams about the purple room, right? You swore up and down you’d wake up in purple room and you could hear people telling you to do things, but you were always in your bed afterwards, remember?” God he hoped it was just an active imagination. Those dreams stopped when Dave started wearing his glasses to bed, which Bro thought was a weird security thing, but it was better than his seven-year-old having insomnia.

He pouted and began mumbling. “They were being hurt and wanted me to help them.” He took off his shades and looked Bro directly in the eye, which was their code for  _serious time_. “And I didn’t wake up again this time. So I wasn’t sleeping.”

Shit. Fuck. Okay, this has only happened once and doesn’t mean Dave has a problem and should see a doctor. Bro would just have to keep a closer eye on him from now on.

But didn’t happen only once.

Dave started breaking things and would blame it on Cal. Started drawing weird shit and told him Cal gave him the idea. Accidentally stabbed himself in the foot with one of Bro’s swords and said Cal played a prank on him.

The final straw came when Dave came running into the apartment from the roof, clutching a bloody crow to his chest. Apparently Dave wanted to see if he fast enough to catch it. He was, but after he did, Cal started ripping out it’s feathers. 

Bro felt more defeated than angry. His little brother was going to be on meds for the rest of his life. He’d have a hard time finding jobs and people would make assumptions and falsely judge him. But it’s better than Dave hurting himself, so Bro shopped around for a good child psychologist and made an appointment. 

—————

According to the doctor, Dave did not, in fact, suffer from schizophrenia, but she wanted to keep seeing Dave to discuss his anger and Bro should  encourage him to take up a hobby such as sports or music. 

—————

Dave is much better at handling a sword than he is at mixing music which is probably weird by most people’s standards, but who the hell is he to judge a kid for his strengths and weaknesses? His doctor said that she thinks Dave is going to be just fine, but Bro should also socialize him a lot more. Get him talking to kids his own age. He  _is_  talking back a lot more, but that’s pretty normal. 

But sometimes, when Dave thinks he’s not around, Bro will catch him talking to Cal again. 

"You’re just a dumb doll. I’m not afraid of you."


	6. DaveKarkat <3<

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a hankering for some blackrom.

If you’re being completely honest, all the black flings you’ve had have been just that. Flings that kept the drones off your back with people you hated just enough to fill a bucket. And though there are days where you silently wish the entire fucking armada would implode under the heat of your righteous ire, there has never been anyone you’ve hated enough to want. You always thought it was because when an asshole like you hates everything that taints his vision there’s nothing to find especially hateable about anyone. Not until Her Imperious Condescension decided she  _must_  add the pretty blue planet to her collection. Not until you were charged with the dubious task of interrogating  _him._

It’s been five fucking solar cycles and the only thing he’s given you is a headache. When you woke up this evening you were both dreading and eager to get back to beating the hell out of him. He’s given you a different name every time you’ve tortured him. Today he’s Colonel Longdong, leader of the Young and Hung Corps. You’re have no idea what he’s rambling about, but you get the vague impression it might be referring to his freaky alien bulge. If you’re being honest, it’s what you’d do if the situation were reversed.

It’s actually pretty fucking impressive what you’ve managed to put him through and he never cracks. It makes you want to try harder. You need to break him. Need to see the fear in his eyes. Need to feel his pulse quicken as you wrap your prongs around his neck. Need to get something out of him other than the occasional grunt of pain or long tirades of redirecting shit.

You hate this smug bastard more than you’ve hated anything.

You need his name. Just his fucking name and he won’t give you the satisfaction of even that. 


	7. RoseKanaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sadstuck rosemary intervention

You told yourself you wouldn’t do this again. You promised yourself that next time the person you chose to care about would be reliable and considerate and  _would care about you too._  You also promised to yourself that at the first sight of a downward spiral to cut your losses and move on. You want someone who can take of herself without needing you to mother her. You thought you found that.

You don’t know what to think anymore.

Rose is drunk again. At first you thought that the “moonshine”, as Dave calls it, was just a human tradition. Rose  _told_  you as much when she explained it as a strong drink typically served at special occasions.  You even tried some, though it seems your metabolism doesn’t work the same as a humans because the euphoric side effect that it has on Rose didn’t hit you at all. All you got was a closed up throat, a sour aftertaste and a slightly queasy feeling in your guts.

You thought it was fine, just alien actions from an alien. But then she didn’t just drink it on “special occasions”. You tried to pass it off as her way of dealing with stress. You had been journeying for a while and were no closer to a plan of action than when you started. Dave expressed his concern, but didn’t know how to broach the subject with her. You didn’t know either, so you let it be. Now it’s to the point where she’s either drunk or sick from drinking.

It’s the final day of your journey and she’s too busy playing in “Can Town” to be worried that you’re all about to die in a fiery collision with Skia. She laughing and talking nonsense and completely unconcerned for anyone or anything. And you’ve had about enough.

You try gently at first. There’s no sense in making a show out of this. She’s being redirecting and flippant, but mostly annoying. Why would she want to relocate their village of nutrition cylinders? You try sarcasm because sometimes it seems like that’s the only language she understands. But her complete disregard for the situation is quickly putting you on edge.

And she broke her promise to you.

You tear into her. Letting it all out. All the frustration and hurt and rage. You let her know exactly how you feel. She still tries to deflect you again and you get so angry you kick over a library. You feel like punching a hole through something. You look down at her and she looks back up, wide-eyed and a little fearful.

“Are you going to brek up with me?”

You’re angry. In retrospect how you handled Vriska was less than graceful, but Rose’s behavior is completely on her. You should break up with her. You don’t even know her anymore, so why should you care?

“NOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

You sink to your knees, defeated. “No” you say again. “But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t watch you continue to destroy yourself. Do you know how much that hurts?” Your eyes feel wet. You don’t want to cry, but she’s curling in on herself. Maybe if you don’t give in, she’ll finally listen to you for a change.

“I’m…” her voice is small and hurt. She’s going to apologize. It’s going to be slurred, but sincere. At least until the next time she reaches for a drink.

You cut her off. “Don’t apologize. Just  _try_  to pull yourself together. We need you.”

She sniffs. “I know. But it’s hard. Everything is so big and important. And everyone is counting on me. Reality is counting on me.” She looks you dead in the eye, the most sober you’ve seen her in perigrees. “How do I do this, Kanaya?”

Your bloodpusher jumps into your throat. Maybe you have been relying on her too much. “I don’t know. But wasting yourself like this isn’t going to help anyone.” You pull yourself up and hold a hand out to her. “We need to meet everyone outside.”

She nods and takes your hand.


	8. RoseKanaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose being unabashedly affectionate with Kanaya for the first time while sober

Kanaya has been investigating human soporifics in an attempt to understand exactly what is happening to Rose and the results don’t look good. Apparently humans are known to do things they wouldn’t do normally while intoxicated. Considering one of the things Rose tends to do after a few drinks is try to make-out with Kanaya, she’s starting to think their budding relationship only exists inside Kanaya’s think pan.

When Kanaya makes her first appearance in the common room the next morning after another drunken fondling, she’s surprised to find Rose and Dave already up, the former face down on the table with her face cradled in one of her arms while the latter sets a cup of coffee down next to her.

“Congratulations Lalonde. You smell like a Russian wedding party, the day after.” Dave sips his own coffee, a ghost of a smirk on his face. Rose responds by lifting her arm and flipping him off.

Seemingly confident in winning this round, he heads out, pausing long enough to give Kanaya a small worried frown as he passes her. She shrugs back at him and continues towards Rose. She gets her own cup of coffee and sits down next to the human girl, but stares away from her, unsure how to start this conversation. Kanaya refuses to be stupid enough to think feelings are where they aren’t again, but she doesn’t know how to bring it up.

When she thinks she finally worked up the nerve to say something, Rose surprises her by taking her hand. Kanaya blinks at the action and turns her head to look down at Rose. Her head is still resting on her arm, but she’s looking up and Kanaya with a slightly embarrassed smile. “Sorry for slobbering all over you last night. I’m not the most elegant kisser when I’m three sheets to the wind.”

Kanaya sputters for a moment. Apparently Rose  _does_  know what she’s doing while she’s human drunk. “Oh. Don’t worry about it.” Kanaya hesitates. “It was…enjoyable.” ENJOYABLE?! UHG! STUPID! She sounds like an idiot!

Rose, however, just smiles at her and gives her hand a little squeeze before pulling herself up and giving Kanaya a small peck on the cheek. “Well, maybe we’ll have a repeat performance later.”


	9. DaveKarkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random iTunes challenge. DaveKat to Next Girl by The Black Keys

Never again. You’re done with the bullshit, the mind games and the sleepless nights. You’re done with indifference and never knowing where you stand. You’re done with petting someone else’s fragile ego and getting treated like shit for it. You’re done falling for fake promises from a pretty face. You’re done picking yourself off the floor when he disappoints you again. But mostly you’re done with Dave _fuck you very much_ Strider.

As you sit in your favorite bar that you haven’t been to in over a year because _someone else didn’t like vibe_ you come to the conclusion that this is single best decision you’ve made regarding your relationship with Dave. In retrospect, jumping into a relationship with the intent of fixing someone is never the right way of doing things. If you weren’t fucking you were fighting or sometimes fight fucking. You’ve called it quits so many times already, but he always manages to get you to come back to him. Not this time, though. You’re done and the next person you’re with will love you and treat you well all the time, not just when they feel like it or want something.

You order a beer to wash down your shots with. It’s Thursday night so the bar is mostly empty, but for a few guys staying late for after-work beers and some lone barflies sitting by themselves. The jukebox is playing and the heavy blues bass pounding over the speakers pumps up your resolve. You’re drinking alone, which you usually don’t do as a rule, but this is good. It’s better than the alternative.

You don’t need Dave and his drama. You’re going to move on from this like the past year and a half never happened. Fuck with how blatant he made it that your relationship meant nothing to him, it may as well never have happened. But the tables are turned because now you’re the one who doesn’t give a fuck. You’re going to meet someone worth your time. They’re going to want to go to places with you and like your music. They’ll be fun and take an interest in your hobbies instead of telling you you’re lame and need to get a life. When you tell them you love them, they won’t laugh in your face. The next person you’re with will be wonderful and you won’t have to dance around trying to get shit right.

You pull out your phone to check the time only to remember that you shut it off after texting him your Dear John. Admittedly, it was a bit cowardly of you to break up with him via text, but doing it face to face hasn’t worked so far, so not giving him the satisfaction of having a say in it was the only way you could think of to make it stick. You’re not hiding from him. You’re not. _He_ should be hiding from _you_ , but you’re not hiding from him. And because you’re not hiding from him you turn your phone back on.

After a minute a series of pinging alerts notify you of some texts. You hesitate, but there is no way you’re backing down from this. You check your messages. One is from Sollux letting you know your computer is ready to be picked up. Another from Terezi, confirming movie night this weekend. And the other fourteen are all from Dave.

_TG: its around the 20_ th of the month  
TG: the moon has started its new cycle  
TG: the dudebro traffic on xbox live just doubled  
TG: and all the neighborhood dogs are going ape shit  
TG: must be time for karkat to throw another hissy fit

God you hate him so fucking much.

_TG: seriously call me_  
TG: better yet come over  
TG: you shut off your phone didnt you  
TG: yeah you shut off your phone  
TG: what did I even do this time  
TG: it wasnt because I cancelled for gamzees birthday is it  
TG: i told you i have to fucking work  
TG: he hates me anyway

He always mysteriously has to work whenever you want him to be around for something. You thought he would like DJing for the party because you can barely ever get him off his stupid mixing equipment. And yeah you were frustrated he bailed on you when you needed him, but it was really more a culmination of things that made up your mind for you. You just woke up and realized he was making you unhappy.

Gamzee does hate him though, that’s a fair point.

_TG: just call me when you get this so we can at least try to talk it out_  
CG: LPVE HOW YOIIIOU WANT TALK IT OUT BUT EXCPECVT ME TO CIME TO YOU.  
CG: TEH SINCY FO YOUR AFFESTION FOR ISSO HART WARNING I YAM POOP A BLIID VESSSKL AND DIE FORM ENTRNL BLEEENG.

You blink at your screen because it’s blurring really badly. You may have had a bit too many celebratory shots. A few minutes later your phone pings with a response.

_TG: holy shit_  
TG: are you drunk  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
TG: your thumbs know that one by muscle memory dont they  
CG: COOLF BE DED WIF Y BRASIN LKNG OOT MU EASR N STILLLL TEL U OT FUCK OFF.  
TG: oh bae  
TG: i can just see it too  
TG: you bleed out from your own rage induced aneurism   
TG: when the authorities find you rigor mortis has already set in with your arm in the air middle finger raised for all the world to see  
TG: the funeral home ends up having to saw your arm off to get the casket closed  
TG: youre buried but its not enough  
TG: you rise from the grave your still attached arm holding up your other arm bearing your eternal message  
TG: your soul cannot rest until youve delivered your final declaration of love to me

You snort unattractively and drool slides down your chin a bit. He is funny sometimes.  
 _TG: itll be like that one movie you made me watch about the chick with the zombie boyfriend_  
TG: not warm bodies  
TG: the old obscure one from the 90s  
CG: MY BOYFRIEND’S BACK?  
TG: wow that’s amazing

He pauses for a minute and you wait for the other shoe to drop. For him to confirm that you were the only one invested and to finally end this idiot dance the two of you are locked in. You wish you knew why he just won’t let you go. No, you know why. He doesn’t want to be alone either.

_TG: youre at that shitty dive with the watered down beer right_  
TG: im coming to pick you up  
CG: NO.  
TG: no youre not there or no dont pick you up  
CG: DON’T PICK ME UP.  
TG: you cant drive home like this  
CG: I’LL CALL A CAB.  
TG: last time we had to call a cab we ended up spending the night in jail because the driver kicked us out for fighting in his car so you punched him in the face  
CG: YOU’RE NOT HERE THIS TIME. PROBLEM SOLVED.  
TG: im coming to get you

He doesn’t text you again. You decide to let him come and get you as asshole tax. All the shit he put you through, the least he can do is waste gas picking you up. Also you realized you forgot your wallet and have no idea how you’re going to pay your tab much less pay for a taxi. You do resolve yourself that you’re going home and not to his place where you’ll probably just end up fucking on his shitty uncomfortable couch.

When he arrives twenty minutes later, he’s in his pajama pants and an old ratty shirt. His hair is a little messy and it hits you that he was in bed when you texted him back. You swallow at the sight of him. Dave is hot as hell when he’s primped for a night out, but in those quiet moments when it’s just the two of you and he’s not trying to impress anyone he’s fucking beautiful. A crazy sense of regret washes over you. You wish you had gone out to meet him instead so no one else could see him like this.

When he grunts at you to move your ass, you mumble that you forgot your wallet and need him to pay your tab. He makes a show of rolling his eyes, but pays up. You tell yourself that you’ll leave with him, but you’re not going back with him. You can’t get to that next person without leaving this one behind.


	10. JadeEquiusDirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this pic: http://ficinferno.tumblr.com/post/84955920201/poidkea-change-of-plans-i-actively-want-jade-in#notes

Everyone has jokingly been calling the three of you the “Tech Division”. It fits in a frustrating way. You certainly are the ones who seem to be putting your heads together the most to figure out how to make your new world livable to some of the standard that you’re use to. At the same time however, it seems to be  _only_  you, Jade and Equius trying to make this work while everyone else fucks off to do Jegus only knows what. (No, that’s not fair; they’re building shelter and gathering food. That Tavros kid even managed to wrangle some livestock. They’ve actually been way more productive than all your failures to harness electricity.)

The uranium batteries you have the computers hooked to have been working just fine, but you know that you will need something more permanent. Without any proper materials to build anything, however, you’re basically sitting around shooting theories at each other. Jade built a probe that been flying around for the past few days, scanning the planet for ore deposits. You’re really glad to have her. At the same time you’re really embarrassed at how little time you spent on practical engineering as opposed to building rapping, death bots. She thought it was funny when you told her as much, then suggested you could be in charge of your inevitable squad of musical security robots.

The three of you work surprisingly well together. Equius is a hard ass, but is more than willing to go along with you Jade when you’re being more useless than usual. (Though you can’t help but wonder about the way he breaks into a sweat whenever you jokingly tell him to shut the fuck up before getting back to work like he suggested.) He also fills your all sweaty beefcake needs, so you don’t complain too much when he gets grumpy about “horsing around”. You once quipped at Jade about him being a literal hard ass. She responded by waggling her glasses at you with a “hung like a horse” joke.

You really like Jade. She’s brilliant and fun with the same sense of adventure you found so endearing in Jake. You…try not to think about some of the more terrible implications of that. She is  _not_  Jake. Nor is she a Jake who’ll keep you because you have the “right” parts. She is, however, more socialized than Jake and easily makes up for all the ways you’re completely oblivious when it comes to interpersonal relationships. You’ve never been attracted to girls, and you really fucking hope you’re not using the Jake comparisons to rationalize what you may or may not be feeling towards her. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone, especially Jade.

But before you have a chance to sort any of your conflicting emotions out, she and Equius make up your mind for you by hooking up. You wish Facebook still existed so you could have had at least a little warning before you walked in on them making out in the computer shed. Things are really awkward after that. You actively ignore all the knowing looks Jade shoots at Equius while you’re going over the daily probe readings. You start showing up later and later every morning to the shed and spend way more time than necessary running little errands around camp.

You also try not to feel too bitter about being the odd man out again. You will  _not_ ruin someone else’s chance at happiness. You’re not that guy anymore.

“Why are you acting so weird?” Jade finally blurts at you over the plans you’re drawing up for a dam. You pause and act like you have no idea what she’s talking about causing her to roll her eyes with all the fury of someone who has put up with Strider brand BS for a very long time. “Why are you avoiding us Dirk?” Equius is beside her, eyes darting between the two of you. Interesting.

You shrug and mumble. “I’m just trying to give you guys alone time.” 

Her face splits into a downright fucking  _devilish_  grin. Jake has  _never_  had that look on his face. Shit you  _wish_  he looked at you like that. “What makes you think we want alone time?” Equius begins to sweat. You don’t blame him; you’re kinda sweating too.

You swallow. “I don’t know. Discreet glances. A certain tension in the air. The way you climb into Equius’ lap and shove your tongue down his throat. You know, little clues.”

She hums. “Yeah, but you don’t know what we talk about.” She leans back into Equius. He blushes and looks away, but opens his arms and pulls her into his lap all the same. She rests her head on his shoulder and covers his hands that settled on her waist. She smiles at you and it’s all teeth and sweetness with just a touch of something else. “So Dirk, ever thought about dating two people at the same time?”


End file.
